Christmas Eve Musings

I just woke up.  It is Christmas Eve and I have a migraine.  My body hurts from head to toe.  But that is nothing new.  In fact, I asked Kyath if it was supposed to snow just yesterday.  I could feel it.  I couldn't move my hands very well.  He looked it up.  The weather app said it was a 60% chance of snow today and a 20% chance of snow tomorrow.  Yeah right.  I should have been a weather girl.    People would be tuning in because of my dead on accuracy.  Need a weather update? Just ask me.




As I lay in bed realizing that it had snowed, I began thanking my heavenly father for letting it snow when my family was safe in bed. The snow plows cleared the roads in the background as I wondered, what if my children were out driving when it started to snow? Would my children be safe from harm?




I prayed further, "Thank Thee for protecting my family from heartache that others have endured. Thank Thee for keeping us from losing a child. Thank Thee for making sure all of our pregnancies went full-term and resulted in live births.  Thank Thee for helping my children to make wise choices that kept them from making mistakes that would lead them down the wrong paths. I have a good husband. My brothers and sister and their spouses are all good people and have been good influences on my family."


I pondered further, "And I am grateful we have a home. We have transportation (Even if one is dead and the other has the window stuck open with no heat). Our family has water that is fit for drinking without needing to go through purification before we drink it. We have heat and electricity. There is plenty of food. "


Finally, I prayed in gratitude for my physical aliments. "Thank Thee that I have been able to work full-time despite being exhausted and in pain most of the time. I have learned to work despite the constant migraines. I have grown so used to how I feel, that I can barely remember what it was like before." God has strengthened me in my trials. He has made me see my trials for what they are, growing opportunities.

Ready or Not

It has grown increasingly harder to drudge through life's obstacles. I look at all that is going on and just snicker when someone complains that their life is so hard. Really? Your life is hard because someone hurt your feelings? You are depressed because everything isn't going your way? Try feeling like a complete failure and wondering where to go from here.

Having a disagreement with someone is not the end of life itself. Losing money isn't the end either. What about struggling as a parent? Just what exactly is the end all? I will tell you a secret. When you hit what you think is rock bottom, things can always get worse.  That is the most important time to thank the Lord for what he has done for you. He has stepped in and kept your life from erupting. Recognize his love and intervention in your part.

Depending on the day, I teeter between seeing the hilarity in my situation and wanting to stay in bed until it is over.

1. Mail woman refuses to deliver our mail because she is scared of dogs.  We received a letter from the post office and put up a fence.  They never sent another letter, but they ordered us to move our mailbox out to the street. I have been trying to straighten it out through the proper channels. So far, I haven't gotten anywhere.  We had to rent a PO box to get our mail. We forwarded our mail, and yet we are not getting our packages. Kyath bought 7 home hubs for the yellow pod classrooms. I was really excited for them. They were all sent back. I am not sure is we will get them sent back to us or not.

2. Our neighbor came over to our house with the shotgun telling us he was going to shoot our dog.  He was furious because Serious escaped and was in his yard.  Don went off on him and told him to act normal.  We called the cops.  They surrounded the neighbor with their weapons. He talked to three different families in the neighborhood and has them mad at us.  Tell me how this is our fault?  They are mad that we called the cops.  Some how they think it is normal to approach a neighbor with a gun and threaten their animal. So far nothing has come of the police report. He told the police he had his shotgun because he had been robbed a couple of months ago.

We hired a lawyer to send his grandfather a letter. The owner needs to be held accountable for letting the people live there that he does.  We should not have to put up with the crazy people he has put in there over the years.  Huber received the letter and called our lawyer yelling for an hour.  It is crazy how protective you get as a parent.  I have no problem with the fact that we hired an attorney to teach their family that they need to reign it in. There are laws that need to be followed. If his tenants decide not to follow laws, we have no choice but to enforce them through legal means.

3. I had a bump grow on my eyebrow.  I just saw a dermatologist three months ago for my toe fungus on my big toe and to have a mole taken off of my cheek.  The bump had grown rather fast.  The doctor cut off the bump and had it tested.  It came back as Basal Cell bla bla bla.  I really shocked me. I don't know if it was because it was cancer, or because it was on my face and would leave a scar.  It just changed everything. I finally had the Mals surgery and all of the cancerous cells were removed.

I have had a bump on my back since my car accident in August of 2012. I asked the doctor if she could get that removed as well.  I figured if my chances have increased for cancer, I should get it tested as well.  I scheduled the surgery, but realized too late that the two surgeries would be within a day of each other.  The bump did not come out whole and they had to dig for the pieces.  The numbing agent didn't go deep enough to dull the pain, so it was excruciating.  I told Don it was not worth it to have the back one removed. It hurt way too much.  My favorite part was when they denied me pain medication because they have moved away from giving pain killers.  I just want to thank all the druggies out there that made it so I have had to heal this past week without pain killers.  You suck rocks.

I have a scar that goes from the corner of my left eye to above my eyebrow.  The scar is pretty puffy.  I still have a black eye.  I couldn't open my eye for a couple of days.  My right eye suffered from fatigue because I was only using one eye.  I really hated how hard it was to see.  My glasses didnt fit over my gauze, do I really had limited vision.

4. I found a game system for Porter for his birthday/Christmas.  I was so excited because it was a deal and I had research a great deal to find it.  I bought it and received and e-mail that the order went through. It turned out that it was a scammer that took my money. They won't answer my emails and their web page is down. I talked to the bank and they said they would investigate it. I will probably get my money back. I will not, however, get the money back before Christmas and Porter's birthday. There is nothing I can really do. So I need to talk to Porter and help him prepare to be disappointed. It really sucks knowing that Porter isn't going to like Christmas.

5. Some of my children struggle with anxiety.  I mean they really struggle. I don't want to give details here because it is way too personal for them, but it is a real issue that has involved counseling and medication.

6. Our main car for transportation died. We were driving out to Christian's Homecoming and the engine made a sickening sound the whole way there and back.  Debbie and Ken followed us home to make sure we didn't die on the way home.  It is officially dead.  We have parked it ever since and used the truck and green car to get around.  The green car, however, has a window stuck open and no heat. 
Did I mention these are just my December issues? Yeah.  This, my friends, is just a December list.  Stay strong friends.  We can do this!

Average

Hi.  My name is De Ann Moore and I am average.

What is average?   Average is right in the middle.  It means I am just a normal person with normal abilities.  So why is that so depressing.  I live a world where I am told that I need to be special.  I need to be the favorite friend, daughter, worker, and teacher.  What happens to all the other people if I became the best or above average?  It would put people under me.  It makes me better than other people. How is that healthy?  Since when does that make me better?

From my experience, I have more respect for the person that has all odds against him or her and he or she beats it anyway.  I have a student this year that I am in the process of referring for Special Education.  He struggles in math and reading.  He is way below average.  I have been working with him daily and watch as he works his way through tough math equations.  He has to put in three times the amount of effort of the rest of the class.  And yet, he has surpassed many students that do not put any effort into their work.  He probably looks at everyone in the class and thinks he is not very smart.  In my eyes, he is one of the most deserving students in the class.  He may never score very well on tests.  He may always struggle in school.  But he has learned to give everything he has and then some.

I am reminded of people on my mission to Germany.  There was one family in particular that was willing to change their entire lives to live the gospel.  They had to get rid of all their old habits and replace them with better habits.  They put forth effort to grow closer to God.  I look at them and think they have far surpassed people that have been members their whole life and have never had to make major changes.  Yet the world would still say they are not as great as the later.

What it comes down to is effort.  How much effort does one have to put into something to be successful?  If I were given the power to choose who was above average, who was average, and who was below average, my world would be different.  The people who would deserve respect would be the hardest workers. People would be recognized for how they respond to challenges. But for right  now, I am average.

Accident in 2011

Many of you know that I was in a car accident in August 2011.  I was stopped on the freeway, when a car going about 65+mph rear ended me.  I have had back, rib and neck problems ever since.  I am still trying to get a settlement to cover my costs of the accident.  That being said, I have some wise words of advice for anyone reading this.

1. Call your insurance right now and raise your PIP.  I was at $3000, which is the lowest amount of coverage you are allowed.  For just a few more dollars a month you can get up to $100,000 coverage.  This is an account that is billed for all your medical expenses after an accident.  After you use up the amount that you have, the rest is billed to the other insurance. 
     It doesn't seem right that we should have to have so much coverage on our end if it isn't our fault, but it is something that I wish I would have done before my accident.  The reason is simple, the other insurance will do whatever they can to get out of paying.  Meanwhile, the bills keep piling up and even the lawyers can't keep the companies from reporting past due bills from the accident on your credit. 
   If I would have had a higher PIP, I would have no bills waiting to be paid after the settlement.  My insurance would be more eager to go after the other driver's insurance.  I wouldn't have to spend so much of my time doing things that I thought the lawyers I hired should have already taken care of.

2. If you have Farmer's Insurance, change to another insurance.  The woman that hit my car has Farmer's insurance.  They offered me $700 for a totaled car (Worth +&2000).  They offered me about $2,000 for all my medical bills (+$10,000).  They are only looking out for their bottom line.  I am a victimized victim.

I try not to complain about the accident.  I will have daily pain the rest of my life because of this accident.  I am just trying to get on with my life.  I think it is about time Farmer's took responsibility. 

No Longer in Remission

     When I was on a mission for my church I came down with a debilitating disease.  I had a hard time using my hands, walking, sitting, standing, ect.  I saw many doctors and was told that it was Rheumatic Fever. I was giving penicillin everyday for nine months.  I remember when the doctors used a needle to suck all the inflammation out of my knee.  I was given steroids that I took at the beginning of the day to get me through the day.  The doctors wanted to hospitalize me, but I wouldn't have it.  I was not about to let my physical ailments stop me from serving.
     When I came home, my body was in bad shape.  All my friends were coming off their missions and getting full-time jobs.  I, on the other hand, was sitting in my dad's recliner.  I remember going to the doctors and hearing one say that I did not have Rheumatic Fever.  So I had an unidentifiable condition.  I went through many treatments. Nothing really helped. 
     It wasn't until I was pregnant that the symptoms improved.  Don't get me wrong, I had hard pregnancies, but being pregnant took away the constant pain.  I remember how surprised I was that the pain wasn't as bad as it had been for the last five years.  I was finally in remission.
     What is remission?  Well for me it means that I still have pain.  I get sick easily. Tired is my middle name.  I have many of the same symptoms as Fibromyalgia.  But it is doable.  It has been twenty years and the last fifteen I have managed to stay in remission.
     For about the last two weeks my body has flared up.  My face turns red.  My body hurts back how it did on my mission.  It hurts to hold or touch anything.  I lose my balance.  I keep asking myself how I felt like this and was still able to proselyte.  It makes me worried for the future.  I wonder what it is going to take to get it back into remission.  We still have five days left of school and I know just how hard it is going to be. 

SAGE Testing and Other Things I Wish I Could Talk About

     We just finished up SAGE testing.  I wish I could share all the things I think and feel about the testing.  But as an educator, I can lose my teaching license.  Any teacher can tell you the internal struggle they have as they give the tests and how they feel about end of testing only if you are another educator.  It is like a cult of sorts. 
     John Oliver really hit close to home with me when he talked about end of year testing.  https://youtu.be/J6lyURyVz7k .  I actually tossed my cookies during the last section on the math test.  I said part of a question, then I would run into the coat room and throw up into a garbage  can.  I would come back and finish reading the question.  It was quite the spectacle.  I can guarantee my students did not do so hot on that section.  I think I will the prize.  Not to mention that I am the laughing stock of the entire faculty at my school.  It's good to be me. 
     There is a movement of parents opting out of testing.  This movement is stronger among charter schools where parents have more contact with each other.  I think of the demographics at our school, where 75% of my class speaks English as a second language.  It is rare that my families can communicate with each other.  I wonder how fair it is to compare schools with different amount of parental voice than others.  So my school, with 75% English Language Learners are compared to another school where a greater majority of the students have opted out. 
     I can hear family and friends arguing already.  I am not trying to start a dispute.  But until you come to my school, meet my kids, and understand my school's demographics, you don't really understand the discrepancy. 
     Somewhere through the grapevine I heard that any student that opts out, will receive a score of 2 (out of 4) on the test.  I am actually for that.  Now let me explain.  I have opted two of my children out of testing and had my other two children take the end of year testing.  Teachers are not allowed to tell parents about opting out.  Schools are not supposed to advertise the option of opting out.  But in some communities, it is common knowledge.  What about the communities where it is not common knowledge?  The scores of the students that take the test are compared against each other.  What if all of the underscoring students opt out of the test in a higher scoring school? But all the students, including underscoring students, take the test at my school?  How is that fair?  My ability as a teacher is determined by these tests. 
     The whole testing system is flawed. 

Sit Down and Shut Up

The office called me yesterday to tell me there were parents in the office that wanted to meet with me and the principal.  We decided to meet after school.  There is nothing worse than knowing that a parent wants to meet with you and the principal.  It is the anticipation that is the worst.  After school the principal, vice-principal, both parents, and the school secretary (who was there to translate) came to my room.  Talk about intimidating!

Apparently one of my students went home the day before and told her mom that I told her she was stupid and I threw her ruler across the room.  Before I go on with the story, let me clarify that I would NEVER, EVER call a student "stupid".  I repeat, I would NEVER, EVER call a student "stupid".  You can imagine my surprise.

I told the parents I was glad they came to clarify the matter.  I know I would freak out if a teacher ever said that to my kids.  I would be at the school the next day wanting to know what happened too.

Luckily, and I never thought I would be grateful for this, the vice-principal was in the room when this alleged event happened.  The vice-principal is being trained on observing teachers and giving them feedback.  He chose three teachers in the school to observe every other week this year and I was one of the lucky ones.  I think he chose me because we were both at the same school last year.

I told the parents that the vice-principal happened to be in the room at the time and asked him if he would tell them what had occurred.  He retold how I had just given students clear directions to clear their desks.  I waited until all students had cleared their desks.  Then I asked students to talk to their partner about a specific math problem.  As I was walking around, I noticed she had put her ruler back on her desk.  I took it and gently tossed it on my desk that was three feet away.  The vice-principal clarified that it was not done maliciously or in anger. 

I told the parents I did not and would never tell their child she was stupid.  I told them about all the good things I see in their child and how I act in class.

It is hard when a student says something that is not true.  The parents tend to believe their child more than the teacher.  I don't know what I would have done if the vice-principal hadn't happen to be in my class and was able to act as my witness. 

I wondered why she would have said such a thing.  I went to her first grade teacher to see how she was last year.  What I heard, really cleared things up for me.  Last year, she was caught stealing and lying.  The teacher had contacted parents and told them she was a discipline problem.  Things that make you go hmmmmm.