Great, just great

Today in our training the principal asked us to dress more professional. I agree with her. Teachers should dress professional. Then she pointed to her clothes and commented that she did not consider her clothes professional. Let me just describe what she was wearing. She had on a really cute blouse and tan pants. She looked really good. To me, she looked professional. So now I am really worried. When I was hired I bought a good pair of pants and a business suit. That is the extent to my professional clothes. I have two skirts that I mix in with that. Last year my collegues gave me a hard time because I tried to dress up. But now that I know what she considers professional, and I am worried. I look at my wardrobe and I realize that I am going to have to find a way to add professional clothes to my wardrobe. Even if I had five outfits that I could wear I would be happy. Like I said, I agree that teachers should dress professionally.

Back to school

While families are trying to fit in the last of their summer activities, I will be in trainings. Tomorrow the school year officially starts for me. I can not tell you how incredibily excited I am.

I still have a ton to do before the 19th, our first day of school. I have spent a little time each day all summer getting ready. I have spent more time recently.

I have really struggled with a theme for my classroom. Finally Porter helped me decided on "Wild for learning". I have made huge wild animals out of cardboard and covered them with material to look like the animal. So far I have an elephant, tiger, cougar, lion, and panther. I have to wait for my next paycheck to buy the material and glue sticks to finish the panther and the lion. I have also made two trees. I think it will look really cool in my room. I will have to post pictures.

I still have a lot to do. I have to make a ton of copies. I need to do my bulletin boards. I have to finish getting my room ready. But I am loving every minute of it.

Why I believe

I know there are those that read my blog that are not religious. Some are even agnostic. Most of you know that I am Mormon. My parents are members and their parents were members. Growing up in Utah there are many Mormons. So it is easy to live life believing while relying on someone else's testimony.

I have to admit that every Sunday I just look at the large gathering of people amazed that they believe and that they are strong members. Maybe that comes from serving a mission in Germany where there were many branches not big enough to be wards. How can so many people believe that there is a God? How can so many people believe in the atonement? How can so many people get their whining family ready every Sunday and try to keep them quiet during sacrament meeting? What keeps them coming back? The only answer I have is that they must get answers to their prayers.

I am one to lose things all the time. I am way to used to it. This last week I have had to find three important things. I lost my keys to my school and classroom, my cell phone and the keys to Kyath's locker. I have looked everywhere imaginable. I looked in the normal spots and then I spread out the search. Nothing.

I decided that I could have the school make another copy of the keys. I would just have to admit that I lost them. I could go without the cell phone. Without the key, Kyath would just have to quit football.

Okay, I wasn't okay about Ky quiting football. I was ready to get metal cutters and start ripping apart these great lockers we just bought just to get his football equipment. I had been searching three days for the key. Don calmed me down and offered a prayer asking that we would find Ky's locker key. Then we went off to search. I checked my pockets and woala! There was the key. I had searched all of Ky's pants, but neglected to search mine. We found the key 30 minutes before Ky's football practice.

The day before that I had prayed to find my keys. I mentioned in my prayer that I had been under a lot of stress and that finding the keys would relieve a great deal of that. That day I found my keys.

Today I finally found my phone. I am sure everyone knows just how useless you feel without a cell phone. I am so dependent on it. Of course I didn't realize that until I lost it. I have called the phone many times because I knew it was charged and that it was on. But I never did hear it ringing. Last night it occurred to me that I had searched all the cars except the Galaxy. We hardly drive the Galaxy and so I didn't think I needed to. When the thought came to me, it was dark. The car doesn't have a dome light. I waited till today to look. Guess what I found?

So when I think of all the people that choose to believe in a God, I think it is because God answers prayers. He answers them no matter how simple or stupid the prayer is. He answers every time. Sometimes the answer is no or not on your life. But he answers every time.

Richest Man in Babylon

Have you read Richest Man in Babylon? It was required reading in our house growing up. My dad made all kids read it before they left the house. On Sunday Dex was quoting the part in the book where the man gave his savings to a brick maker to buy some jewels and lost it all because the brick maker brought back glass jewels. Don somehow managed to bypass reading it when we first got married. So he asked Dex if he could borrow his copy. I sat down and started reading it again. The book really is good. I started to think about all the ways I could build up a savings and invest it. The book says to set aside 10% of your income and put it in savings. I was figuring 10% tithing and 10% savings. That is a lot of money. So my question is, what percentage of your earnings do you save from every pay check?

check-up

I took your advice and went to see a doctor. It was a very informative visit. We think I have fibromyalgia which just means I am in the "in" crowd with the rest of the world. I swear everyone I know has fibromyalgia. But my pain is triggered by stress and depression. After the doctor told me that I realized that I was feeling great when I was teaching school. I am feeling crappy because it is summer break. So the good news is that I will start feeling better when I am less stressed and not as bummed. Come on school year!

Looking Back

Right before my mission I started to feel this pain in my hand right by my thumb. I thought nothing of it. I figured it was tendinitis or something. I was going on a mission and that was what I was focusing on.

After a few months in Germany I became very sick. It didn't surprise me because we were on bikes all day in rain and snow. I was in bed for a week. I remember how hard it was to get out of bed just to eat. I went to see a doctor and he told me I was just having cramps. My German sucked at the time, so I knew I just didn't explain my symptoms right. I just started taking a lot of Ibuprofen and doing the mission work.

The pain in my thumb started to spread. I took over both my hands. I went to the doctor and she told me I must have been bitten by a tick. I explained that I hadn't seen signs of a tick. But that didn't get me anywhere.

Did I mention that I served in what once was East Germany? It was five years after the wall came down and the doctors were still forty years behind the rest of the world. I was beginning to understand that the doctors in East Germany wouldn't be able to help me.

I transferred to my next city. I had a German companion and my German improved dramatically.

The pain spread to my back and legs. Okay, so it was all over. But I was not about to be sent home. I tried not to let anyone know the extent to the pain I was in. My companion was able to communicate with a doctor. He started giving me cortisone shots in my back. That helped tremendously. My companion and I worked our tails off. I was so thankful I was able to keep working hard. I did not want to be known as one of the "sick sisters".

Fast forward a couple of months. My mission president heard that I was in a lot of pain. He knew I was still working hard and that I didn't want to go home. He decided to transfer me to a bigger city where I could see more specialized doctors. When he told me I would be transferred, he gave me a special blessing. The blessing stated that I would be out of pain and able to work until I was able to see a doctor in the new area. I had many blessing previously, but this one was a true miracle. The pain vanished. I had been to a point that I couldn't even touch things without a shock going through my body. I didn't know how I was possibly going to pack my bags and drag them on a train. But the pain vanished.

I really want to stop writing because I am afraid to share these things. I am afraid what people will think or how they will perceive me. It was a dark time in my life, but I was determined to stay on my mission and work hard. But if I stop here, I won't ever get to my main point.

When I saw the doctor in my new area, she looked at me with such immediate concern. She told me I was in bad shape and that I needed to be admitted to the hospital. I refused. I knew about East German medicine and the hospitals. She referred me a specialized doctor.

He was the final doctor I saw in Germany. He diagnosed me with Rheumatic Fever and gave me penicillin shots. He stocked me up on Prednizone and more Penicillin to take with me the rest of my mission. Then he sucked out all the fluid that had been building up in my knee. He truly made it possible for me to serve the rest of my mission.

Prednisone is a funny thing. It helped me manage the pain. But Prednisone is also a steroid. I would take it in the morning and I was unstoppable. We would do all the door-to-door in the morning and leave the visits till later in the day when my energy started to wear down.

By the end of my mission, I had thrashed my body. I was walking with a limp and my knees were swollen. I had gotten to a point where I couldn't jump. But after a year and a half of feeling like that and working anyway, I had accepted my fate. I knew I would never be normal again. I was damaged goods. I can't tell you how scared I was to come home and let everyone see how disfigured I had become.

Those that know me now probably think I am making this all up. That's a good thing. That tells you that I came home and recovered. I regained my movement. I minimized the pain. I married and had four children. I can tell you how thankful I am.

I write this all because the pain has come back in my hands. Two weeks ago it was just in my fingers. Each day it has spread a little more. I look back at what I have endured and I am not afraid to say that I am worried. I am worried that I will have to go through what I did before. I am afraid that I will be in the pain I was in before. I am afraid people will start looking at me with the pity that they did before. I am afraid I will loose my movement again. I am afraid.

I keep asking Don if I really should blog this. I don't want everyone to feel bad for me. It is really hard for me to share. I have started taking Glucosamine, Chondroitin, fish oil and every other natural thing I can get my hands on. I am still looking for the magic cure and am open to any advice.

All Alone and Ready to Play

We just came back from San Francisco on Friday. I still have motion sickness from the Blue and Gold boat tour. Even short distances are making me nauseous. Don still has a week off of work and he really wanted to go to Las Vegas to visit his nephew and see if he can find his brother. He has kept bringing this up and it really is the last thing I want to do. So, last night, he loaded up the truck with all the kids and went to Vegas.