Just call me messed up!

Things have been bordering on crazy the last little while. I officially start school on Monday. My students start on Wednesday. I can't even explain the anxiety I have. I was so destroyed by my last teaching job, that I fear failure. My dreams at night have the same two themes-(1)That my students are out of control (2)That I have the same militant principal as previously. I don't think I will be at ease until school actually starts and I make it through the first day.

I have reflected a lot on my experience with Legacy. I would like to say there were a lot of good things about the school. I learned how to track data on students. I learned how to teach to the CRT tests ;) I learned how to make sure that every student was progressing.

I am not sure if Legacy did more damage than good, however. At my new school, my principal is amazing. I went into his office to have him sign a paper for me. There was a fourth grade teacher sitting in his office just talking. That wouldn't have happened at Legacy. At Legacy, the teachers are all scared of the principal. She is very cold and flashes fake smiles all the time. I was talked down to and even yelled at. So when I walked in my new principal's office, I didn't know what to think besides, "Is this for real or am I dreaming?"

At my new school I am treated like a professional. I should actually say district, because there are so may more support people to turn to at Jordan. I went to a two day training and was amazed. Every trainer kept saying to call or e-mail him/her any time if we had questions or concerns. I had to actually ask the teachers at the school if the trainers really meant it. At Legacy, if I came to them with a concern or didn't come to them with a concern, it was noted. Then it was held against me.

I have so many emotions right now and I still have to work through them. It is a cycle. I worked through a lot of them in March. But starting school again at a new school is starting the cycle of feelings again. I just can't wait to feel calm again.