School Update

So I was super worried about this school year. I have been pleasantly surprised. I have great kids and great co-workers. I enjoy going to work every day.

I had an evaluation by the principal this week. I worried because last time I had an evaluation, I was fired. They told me I was too tolerant and nice. So I was worried what this principal would say. I asked him afterward and he said that he is not allowed to talk about the evalutaion until he gets the results back from the district. But he did say that he enjoyed it.

They have an actual scan-tron sheet that they use for the evaluations. There are points for specific things and a place for principal's comments. They even tally how many times you compliment a child or call on students. They send it in to the district and get a score.

I had a flash of inspiration before the evaluation and I placed signs on the back wall to remind me all the things that I needed to make sure and do. I also placed four signs on the front board- Review, Objective, Directions, and "So What". The kids saw the "So What" sign and started singing. I explained that it was to remind me to include how a lesson pertains to actual life. It is my sassy way of saying, "So you taught me all this, but why should I care."

I feel like the evaluation went well.

Just call me messed up!

Things have been bordering on crazy the last little while. I officially start school on Monday. My students start on Wednesday. I can't even explain the anxiety I have. I was so destroyed by my last teaching job, that I fear failure. My dreams at night have the same two themes-(1)That my students are out of control (2)That I have the same militant principal as previously. I don't think I will be at ease until school actually starts and I make it through the first day.

I have reflected a lot on my experience with Legacy. I would like to say there were a lot of good things about the school. I learned how to track data on students. I learned how to teach to the CRT tests ;) I learned how to make sure that every student was progressing.

I am not sure if Legacy did more damage than good, however. At my new school, my principal is amazing. I went into his office to have him sign a paper for me. There was a fourth grade teacher sitting in his office just talking. That wouldn't have happened at Legacy. At Legacy, the teachers are all scared of the principal. She is very cold and flashes fake smiles all the time. I was talked down to and even yelled at. So when I walked in my new principal's office, I didn't know what to think besides, "Is this for real or am I dreaming?"

At my new school I am treated like a professional. I should actually say district, because there are so may more support people to turn to at Jordan. I went to a two day training and was amazed. Every trainer kept saying to call or e-mail him/her any time if we had questions or concerns. I had to actually ask the teachers at the school if the trainers really meant it. At Legacy, if I came to them with a concern or didn't come to them with a concern, it was noted. Then it was held against me.

I have so many emotions right now and I still have to work through them. It is a cycle. I worked through a lot of them in March. But starting school again at a new school is starting the cycle of feelings again. I just can't wait to feel calm again.

Masters program

I just received my acceptance letter yesterday. I already started taking classes last Monday. The school allows students to take nine credit hours in the program without being accepted. I guess I don't have to worry about that.

The masters program can take anywhere from 2-4 years depending on the number of classes taken each term. The classes during the summer are during the day. The other terms are in the evening.

Nuclear Science Merit Badge

I signed Kyath up for Orchard University Summer of Fun (www.ousf.com)this summer. It is a stake in Bountiful that is holding merit badge classes throughout the summer. Last week he had physical fitness, personal management, and cycling. There are still some requirements he needs to fulfill before he will get these. This week he took a nuclear science class. Today they went on their field trip. Kyath officially has one merit badge done. I am so proud of him.

What I learned

This is my blog, right? I should be able to write whatever I want.

Today I started reading the Book of Mormon again. I had some thoughts that I wanted to share. In first Nephi chapter 1 verse 4 it says,

"...and in that same year there came many prophets, prophesying unto the people that they must repent, or the great city Jerusalem must be destroyed."

I thought about a lesson I heard on Sunday about Samuel. In a basic summary, the lesson talked about warnings were are given today and whether we are following those warnings. The warnings were things like watching good television, listening to good music, etc. It is easy to get lackadaisical and excuse behavior. I am addicted to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But is it a wholesome show that I should watch or let my kids watch? Believe me when I say they didn't bring up Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That was just one of my guilty thoughts.

I read further in chapter 1 verse 19-20 and it says,

"And it came to pass that the Jews did mock him because of the things which he testified of them; for he truly testified of their wickedness and their abominations; ...

And when the Jews heard these things they were angry with him; ...

I thought about how many times I have been reminded that I need to make good choices and how many times I have made excuses for my actions.

There is one part of this chapter that reminded me of a specific experience I had and that is in verses 11-13.

And they came down and went forth upon the face of the earth; and the first came and stood before my father, and gave unto him a book and bade him that he should read.

And it came to pass that as he read, he was filled with the Spirit of the Lord.
And he read, saying: Wo, wo, unto Jerusalem, for I have seen thine abominations! Yea, and many things did my father read concerning Jerusalem—that it should be destroyed, and the inhabitants thereof; many should perish by the sword, and many should be carried away captive into Babylon.

On my mission I met a woman from the Philippines. I loved meeting with her because she spoke English. I was still new to Germany and learning how to speak more fluently. With her, I was able to speak comfortably.

She shared an experience of a dream she had. In the dream a man came to her and gave her a book. He asked her to read it. She woke up before she could read. The dream left her wanting to read the book that was given to her. She felt like the dream had a specific meaning.

I asked her to describe the man in her dream. She described a nice man with long brown hair. I held up a picture of Jesus in a red robe and asked her if he looked anything like the picture. The picture was unlike the ones in Germany with Jesus dying on the cross with a look of sheer unhappiness. She looked at the picture and immediately said that this was the man she had seen.

I asked her to describe the book that he had given her. She described a book that looked exactly like the Philippine version of the Book of Mormon.

Happy Birthday Mom

Today is my mom's birthday. I love her so much. I have been thinking a lot about my mother and thought maybe it is best to put it into words.

My mother is the cats meow. She is the top dog. She is the queen bee. She is the person I love to see most when I am down. I love just being around her. She has this way of making me feel like everything is alright.

I think of all the mistakes I am making as a parent and I look back and see that my mom didn't make those mistakes. Usually kids set out to raise their kids better then there parents did, I am just trying to be half the mom my mom is.

Mom, thank you for your example. Thank you for all that you have taught me. I love you.

Read between the lines

My neighbor Lorinda always says that people never know how they will react to life situations. OK, so you may think you know. But you really don't know until you are experiencing it. Her wisdom comes from when her husband died. She thought she would react one way, but struggled to act that way to a point. I find myself struggling with the same reaction. My situation is completely different. But the similarity is that I really thought I was a different person than I really am.

In March I was fired from my job as a teacher. The reasoning was that I wasn't militant enough to work at the school. The school was very militant in that students were to sit at attention and speak only when the teacher snapped her fingers. Those that know me, know that is not my personality at all. I was pulled into the office and told that I was way to patient and tolerant. Some would think those good characteristics. But they treated me like I was against them and in the end, fired me.

I really thought I was a forgiving type of person. I have had my grudges. I have thought mean things about people. But I have always tried to let go of my grudges and replace my mean thoughts. I have even sought forgiveness when needs be.

Then this whole thing with the school happened. It has really been a hit to my ego. I feel less of a person. I feel like I have been mentally attacked. The worst part of it is, there is nothing to do but move on. If only I could.

I think it will help to have Porter at a different school. It didn't help getting e-mails and letters from the teacher that replaced me. It didn't help that I knew what they were doing in class. It didn't help that I had to keep going to the school to drop and pick Porter up.

Today was just like another rock on top of the pile they have already thrown at me. Porter brought home his yearbook. They did not have any pictures of me. They made sure that there was not any trace of me having taught second grade for 140 days out of 188 days. What a slap in the face.

So it all comes back to where I started this musing. What happened to the person that lets go of grudges? What happened to replacing mean thoughts? What kind of person have I become?

Teacher Appreciation Week

This last week was teacher appreciation week at the school where I was let go a month ago. Do you know how hard it is to give the teacher that replaced you a gift? It is hard enough alone for me to know that even though I was the teacher for 3 terms, she is the one getting all the appreciation. I asked Lorinda what I should get her. She told me I should give her a note that tells the teacher I will happily accept 3/4 of all gifts she is given this week. I thought that was really funny.

My sweet neighbors Lydia and Maria had Porter, Marshall, and Lauren all give me a gift certificate and flowers for teacher appreciation week. That was unexpected and unbelieveably sweet. I can't express how much it meant to me.

Slowly going crazy, again

Is it wrong that I am happier when I work?

I apologize to Melanie too.

Melanie,
I hope you know that I was joking. I love you. But why did I suddenly get blocked from your blog?

I'm apologize for Melanie

Dear Katrina,
I am so sorry for how neglectful MELANIE has been with her blog. I realize she is a very busy person with a lot on her plate. In fact, she spends a great deal of her day driving her children to and from school. But I am sure she realizes how hurtful it is that she is not updating us on her life. I, on the other hand, am glad that I have been dutifully updating my blog in a timely matter (Note the sarcasm).

The power of words

I have been busy the last month trying to put my life into perspective. I have found just how powerful words are. I changed all my computer passwords to a word of encouragement. Every time I log in, I type in my password and I feel uplifted. I think everyone should have an encouraging password like- beautiful, strong, determined, special, or queen. I didn't list my here, but you get the idea. Don't forget to add #s and capitals in there to make them truly powerful passwords.

Don mentioned we needed carpet in the living room. If you remember, I tore it out in a frenzy a couple of months back. See details here



So our living room has been half hard wood and half particle board. It looked crummy and made everything echo. Don felt like we were going to loose our hearing because of the volume level in our house and said it was time to carpet the living room.

I wasn't opposed to the idea. I needed a project to focus my thoughts and I was ready for carpet as well. But how could I carpet without painting walls? I decided to take on the living room project.







I loved how it turned out. In fact, it finally feels like a home. I like sitting in it. The kids can wrestle. Guests can visit. It makes a difference to have at least one nice room in the house.

It's the little things

I have become very aware of the little things in life that make all the difference.

1. Family- I have always been very thankful for my family. I enjoy being with my family. They love me regardless.

2. Friends- I have some of the best friends ever. My friends are great listeners. They support me and help me think clearly.

3. Neighbors- My neighbors rock. They put up with my crazy family and all the chaos that ensues.

You all are what makes life what it is.

Fired

I have never in my life been fired. I am always on time to work. I work hard the whole time I am there. I give my 100%. Well, they have been looking for an excuse to get rid of me since September. They said that I let the kids talk when they enter my classroom. In fact, I let them talk from the time they come into the room until they sit in their sit. Humm. So I am supposed to squash any bit of childhood the children have left? "Kids, don't talk at all. We are at school and I expect you to act like robots until you are back in your car on your way home with your parents."

They pulled me in on Friday and told me that they were letting me go. I have never been so shocked. And yet, there is a teacher that yells at the kids that still has her job. It is so bad that they have to always have another teacher in there with her at all times, but I was the one to get fired because I let the students talk until they sit in their seats!

I asked them what they wanted me to do with all the data I had collected throughout the year. They were like, "Data, what data?" I told them how I had collected data since the beginning of the year of everything I had taught them. I kept track of what concepts students didn't understand and when I retaught them. It basically shows that my students know every concept I have taught. "Oh," they said. "You can leave that data."

It is amazing what some people consider a serious problem. Then they were mad because I taught the reading class so well when they observed me.

Let's see-
recent operation- check
Hole in my breast not healed yet- check
fired from job- check
serious stress- check

I hate to ask if I have hit rock bottom yet.

The Priesthood will Catch You...

When I found out we were having a girl, I started to cry. After having three boys, I didn't think it was possible to have a girl. And how was I supposed to know how to raise a daughter? After a day of shock and disbelief I started preparing to bring a baby girl into the world.

I don't know if all women immediately have the need to buy something utterly beautiful when they find out they are having a girl, but I did. I wanted a beautiful, lacy, white dress for her blessing day. I wanted a dress that I could put away and bring back out on her baptism day and then her wedding day. I wanted her to have three white dresses. The women in my family chipped in for a beautiful dress. It was perfect.

From the moment Dresden was born she caught every one's heart. Just holding her makes everything right. Her eyes light up with every smile. She has a head full of dark blond hair. She is so small compared to the boys when they were born. I guess you could call her dainty. She is everything I ever wanted in a girl.

It seemed like forever till her blessing day. There is something truly real about the priesthood. Something so powerful, that it makes something so intangible, tangible. I have noticed that none of my children feel like they belong to me until they have been given a name and a blessing through the Melchizedek priesthood. Yes, I love them with all my heart. I can't imagine life before they ever came into the world and graced me with their presence. But I know that they are not my children. God has lent them to me to raise and protect. They know that too. Their eyes radiate a soul that still belongs to God. The blessing helps tie them to our family. They become my children while they are on the Earth.

Good News

The title says it all, the results came back normal. If I haven't called yet to tell you, I'm sorry.

Life- The Continuous Battle.

I have battled with myself for a while about whether I should share this on my blog. But I figure enough people know now that it really isn't a big deal. So here I go...

About a month ago I went into my doctor because I was having breast issues. E-mail me if you want more personal details. My doctor set up a mammogram. I went in and had my first mammogram. To all those people that complain about mammograms- suck it up. I could tell you stories.

They found two spots of calcium deposits. One area was so small that I laughed. I couldn't believe they could even see anything. They did an ultrasound to see if they could find any lumps and they couldn't see anything. The doctor called my surgeon to talk to her about his findings. He wanted to do a biopsy and a dye test right away. She said she wanted to see me first before they did any testing.

Three days later I had a breast infection. Everyone has the same question, "Are you breast feeding?" Let me just answer "no". Dresden is two years old. I stopped about a year ago. So yes, it was hard to convince anyone that I had a breast infection. I went into insta-care. The doctor gave me a shot of antibiotics and gave me a prescription. They told me to come back the next day if I didn't see any improvement. Long story short, I ended up back there the next day for another shot. But I finally started to feel better.

I went in to see the surgeon for my appointment. She showed me the calcium deposits and talked about doing a breast biopsy. I was a little surprised about my mammogram results because what I understood right after the mammogram was that I had two small dots that they wanted to check just to make sure. But what the surgeon was telling me was that there were two AREAS of calcium deposits that they were concerned about. It sounded a bit more serious that I initially thought. But I still knew that there was only a 5% chance that it was cancer.

So yesterday I had the biopsy. The best way to describe it is a mammogram that lasts two hours with a climax of needle pricking. I laid there on my stomach on an uncomfortable table the entire time. When they were done they held the breast in the clamps for another ten minutes to make sure the bleeding stopped. In my case it didn't so they tried sea weed with the clamps and finally just glued it shut, emphasizing that there would be a bruise.

They had told me that I would feel a bee sting and that would be the worst part. They said I shouldn't feel anything after that. HA HA! It hurt the whole time. They said I should have protested more and they would have stuck me with yet another needle and given me more pain killer. Humm. It was a little late to tell me that after the whole procedure. I kept telling them that it was hurting, but that I was okay. I mean, what is pain compared to giving birth? Nothing compares to that, so I feel like I can take about any pain.

I guess that can be a message to anyone that has a breast biopsy. Yell and scream if it hurts. Don't tell them that it hurts, but you are doing okay. Tell them to stop and give you more of that pain killing juice. Of course, if you have a breast biopsy, I hope that all you really do feel is a bee sting and the rest is a piece of cake.

I had asked the doctor if I would be able to go back to work the next day. He said that I would be a little sore, but that I would be able to. He said to not be surprised when a big bruise starts to form anywehere on my breast, even if it isn't anywhere near the area where they biopsied. Nice.

So I have spent the last 18 hours recooperating. I don't know how anyone can go to work the next day after that kind of biopsy. Especially when the most you can take for two days after is Tylenol. But I digress...

I find out my results on Wednesday afternoon. I will post them. I am pretty sure that everything is normal and I won't have to have anything done, except maybe a little therapy to get over the trama (joke, of course). Now consider yourself informed.

Checking In

I love temper tantrums! Zander is sitting right next to me screaming at the top of his lungs because he is not getting his way. There is no better way to ignore him than to blog. I can't believe Dresden is sleeping through this.

There is so much to share, but there is a time and a season.

School is going well. I just sent out report cards for last term. I had a mom ask me if they were the final grades. I thought that was funny. Especially when I post all the grades on an online program where they can view their grades all term. The student's grade shouldn't be a surprise. I even sent out a progress report this week to let them know how they are doing this term already. We are in the third week of this term. I had five e-mails from parents telling me that their Reading University grade couldn't be right. I record the minutes exactly as the parents write on the student's learning plan. I let those parents know that I will recheck the learning plans to see if the minutes weren't recorded correctly. It was amazing, the next day all the learning plans for this week included reading minutes and were signed.