We have come a long way in the last nine years. I remember when I was pregnant with Kyath and I started to show signs of depression. I knew that I was suffering, but depression was a new thing for me. I remember asking for some medication while I was in my last trimester and it helped me through the last three months. After Ky was born, it hit even harder, I was still on the medication. I didn't, however, increase my dosage. Looking back, I think my dosage should have been increased.
I had a deep fear of hitting my baby's head on the doorway as I walked through doors. I believed that someone was going to kidnap my baby the minute I let go of the stroller when I went for walks. I had frequent suicidal thoughts. I remember asking new mothers if they were having the same experiences and feelings and everyone told me that I should probably get some professional help.
I knew I was crazy and that no one else understood. The last thing I wanted to tell anyone was that I was taking Prozac. Don knew and that was about it. I was embarrassed.
Nine years later (all nine on Prozac) I am going through post-partum again. This time I am happy to say that times have changed. I mentioned to a neighbor that I was struggling with post-partum depression and she didn't even flinch. She told me about the time she took Zoloft for a couple of months and urged me to call my doctor to see if I needed to change meds. I mentioned my struggle with my sister and she just comforted me and made me feel like everything would be okay. No one made me feel like the freaking monster I felt like nine years ago when I reached out for help.
I am glad to have girlfriends that love me and help me. I have the best support network and I love every one of them.
March: Maybe it could rain some more.
3 weeks ago
2 comments:
I started struggling with this after Aani was born last year. I knew what it was, but it was hard to admit to it, because people are stupid and there's such a stigma associated with it. Anyway, the more I reached out for help, the more I learned. I had no idea how common it is.
It's such a horrible thing to go through. I talked to my doctor, my bishop, a counselor, family, friends; everyone who would listen. I think it's so important that people are educated as to what it is and how one feels when going through it. I told my bishop that I would rather have a limb cut off than feel like my life is worthless. Anyway, I think it's something I'll always have to fight to a degree, but just knowing I'm not a huge freak of nature helps tremendously. And the medicine, of course, also helps. :-)
So, I'm here for ya, sister! (Errr, cousin...)
Katrina,
Thank you so much for your comment. It was exactly what I needed to hear!
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